Identity in Christ

I safely assume that there are many of us who have experienced a shock in their life that has turned their world slightly or drastically upside-down. Whether it be the loss of a job, a loved one or some other would be 'freak accident', we tend to be confused and at times lost in our thoughts of our purposeful next steps. The only actions we're left to do are to endure on and accept change or to fall behind and allow change to overcome us. Realistically, endurance is the only option in allowing change to produce fruit in our life otherwise we simply rot away.

One of my favorite biblical quotes is written by James, the half-brother of Jesus.

James 1:2-4 "Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing."

It's completely backwards in culture to be joyful in times of hard lessons and life challenges but this passage really speaks to those who are enduring because of their faith. Faith has been a hard thing to grasp for me and although I'd say that I live my life by faith, we all can be discouraged and we all fall short of perfection. But enduring through the various trials is what creates in us a better person, character and heart and we must wait patiently for that endurance to mature into the person we're supposed to be.

By Hebrews 11, faith is the reality of what is hoped for and the proof of what is not seen. In my life, my faith lies in the reality that I'm uniquely endowed with my gifts, skills and passions in order to achieve what God intends for me to achieve. But my achievements in that same reality do not create an identity within me. Although I may organize, write, or plan, I am not defined as an Organizer, Writer or Planner. I am still defined outwardly as a Christian and I hope that in my practices, the truth of that is demonstrated through my actions. I have realized that if my life is lived in the pursuant of Christ and in spreading the good news of His life, my identity does not exist outside of that purpose and pride should be non-existant.

I write all this because the current trials I'm experiencing are truly testing my faith, building my endurance and helping me understand my identity. Even in the writing of my resume, I find explanations restrictive. But just as my resume explains what I can do, it can't explain who I am. Who I am can only be understood by spending time near me. This is especially true of Jesus but in a different sense. By spending time reading His words and what people spoke of Him, we experience a Resume of infinite proportions. We walk into the presence of a man who loved easier and longer than any could have loved. He gave grace to people who didn't deserve it and skillfully humbled those who boasted with their empty resumes. He did all this until He had accomplished what was necessary; dying in place of us.

To those of you who are experiencing a chapter in your life that is similar to mine, I encourage you to continue on fighting the fight knowing that this is a test of our faith and it is a joy to know that these tests are what make us stronger. Without trials, we do not grow. The stronger the trial that we endure, the stronger the results. We must learn, teach and endure until what we are sent here to accomplish is finished. Until then, we surely know that there is more in store for us and we must seek His will for our lives.

Psalms 146

"Hallelujah!

My soul, praise the Lord.

I will praise the Lord all my life;

I will sing to my God as long as I live.

Do not trust in nobles,

in man, who cannot save.

When his breath leaves him,

he returns to the ground;

on that day his plans die.

Happy is the one whose help is the God of Jacob,

whose hope is in the Lord his God,

the Maker of heaven and earth,

the sea and everything in them,

He remains faithful forever,

executing justice for the exploited

and giving food to the hungry.

The Lord frees prisoners.

The Lord opens the eyes of the blind.

The Lord raised up those who are oppressed.

The Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord protects foreigners

and helps the fatherless and the widow,

but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.

The Lord reigns forever;

Zion, your God, reigns for all generations.

Hallelujah!"

Ariana's Engagement Testimony

On september 2nd 2010, I was overwhelmed with expectations. I was mad at God. I had expectations about my roommates and living situation, my relationship with Brandon, my $12,000 car loan, my quarterly IRS payment, my commitment to the church and bible studies, my birthday, even about cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom, my room, email the elementary Pastor about not being there on sunday and realizing that I forgot to tell him before friday about me not being there on sunday. I was even stressed about showering. (Brandon: She only showers once a week, it's a big deal!)

Because I had prayed for these things, I had expected God to immediately answer all my prayers. I pray and Ariana has a deadline, so she need answers. I wasn't getting any answers. I was upset. I was willing to listen to Him but he wasn't talking loud enough. It just so happened that my friend, and sister in Christ, Chelsea sent me a text message in the middle of me freaking out and being upset at God, asking me if Brandon knew her brother. And I said I don't know. And she said because he's in a random picture with Brandon, and I said I still don't know, I'll call him. She asked me how are you? I said not good, life is trying to kick my butt and I don't like it. I asked her to pray with me and she did and she told me to call Brandon even though I didn't want to. I did anyway. I told brandon what a hot mess I was, and I gave him a list of all the expectations I had He would help me. We both prayed after that and nothing felt answered. I was still confused and full of expectations without answers from God. (who I treated like a genie in a bottle)

We drove to Hume Lake Christian camp on september 4th 2010, at 4am. We arrived after 1pm and attended worship and Chapel at 8:30pm with Pastor Chuck Bomar and the entire theme of the bible study was “Excusey Mwa! It's not about me, it's about God.” I prayed:

I'm sorry for not trusting you God, and your promises, I know you want me to enjoy my time with Brandon and I know you want the best for me. Papa, if that means I have to wait for your time, I will. Please help me do that. Today, I learned that there is a process to the way you want me to live my life and I know I'm rushing the journey. I also lift Brandon up in prayer for his job, living situation and our relationship and God's will for Brandon's life. I also pray that God will give Brandon the patience to enjoy our journey together. Thank you Jesus for taking all the selfish desires from our hearts. Amen.

I realized that instead of asking God for His will for my life, I asked him and chose the decisions that made the most sense and that lined up correctly with what I thought was most comfortable, instead of what God wanted. I chose the decisions that the world would logically make sense of instead of choosing what God's will is. At times God's will may prove to be difficult but will always be the best decision in the end.

September 5th 2010
On Septermber 5th, 2010, I wrote a small prayer during chapel:
I need to be faithful to God today. Instead of asking him what my future looks like I should ask and be faithful with what I have today. Matthew 6:34 Tomorrow will worry about itself.

After chapel, our friends went out on the lake with a few boats and Brandon went to take a nap. I had time to do a study by myself and I laid down all my expectations in this prayer to God:

Father God, my goal is to know you, Christ. To be more like you and to be all Christ has in mind for me. Father, I want to grow in the knowledge of God and to concentrate on my relationship with Jesus Christ right now. I love Hume lake. Papa, can you help me have the same discipline I have here, back home in Las Vegas. God I desire to spend more than just 5 or 10 minutes a day with you. I would like to lift up all my expectations with you, here I go...I want blessings from you at all times because I think I'm doing things right, I like to pretend I am the creator and not the creation which means I look to myself to get things done. When i get married, I expect to be married to Brandon Alderman. I expect people to grow in their walk with you when they claim to know scripture. I expect you to heal my brother and Michele, for my mom to have a relationship with you, for you to provide a roommate for Beth and I. We want to live at the condo for another 6 months. I say I don't want a big ring but I expect one, I expect a perfectly healthy intimate relationship with Brandon.

After my time alone with God, we all went on an afternoon bike-ride around the gorgeous lake with my future fiance and friends. It was amazing experiencing and reveling in God's creation and beauty. After the bike-ride, I screamed at the top of my lungs down a zip-line and then got ready for more worship and chapel.

This is what we learned at chapel. That my life is no longer about me. The debt of my sin was bought with a price that Jesus paid in His death on the cross, therefor my life is no longer about me, it never has been, it never is, and never will be about me. It is eternally about what God is doing.

When the pastor was done preaching, I felt lead to talk to him. I didn't know what I needed to talk to the him about but I knew that the Holy Spirit was leading me to speak with Pastor Chuck. So Brandon and I approached him after service and we started talking to him about how God was speaking through him to teach me about my convictions and I had no idea why else I was talking to him. The need was still there and so we started telling him about the relationship Brandon and I have. Brandon told him we were experiencing a lot of opposition in our relationship. We didn't know where we were to go next, we didn't feel financial stable to pay for a wedding or for wedding/engagement rings and we didn't know what our next steps should be. The pastor opened our eyes to the things that were right in front of us. He made us aware that we were letting money rule our lives. That without money, we would never be married and in return, we were letting money be our God as it made the decisions for us. We could not serve two God's at the same time; the God of the world and the God of money. He even offered to marry us on the spot!

He revealed to us that a big wedding and a diamond ring are not going to glorify God and the only thing that will glorify God better than anything else is the commitment of man and woman to God through marriage; to lift each other up, to pray for one another and to go to God in prayer and thanksgiving for everything he has for us. We will be wed to each other, through thick and thin, with or without money and money had no right to hold us back from glorifying God through our Godly relationship. God revealed to us through Pastor Chuck that in waiting for money, we were causing each other to sin in lust and other unnecessary areas. It all made sense and we were blind to it until now.

We felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of our shoulders. We prayed together and decided to sleep on all we've learned and all that was revealed to us over the course of the night. In the morning, Brandon knocked on the girls cabin door and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. As I walked, I told myself, this is why I get disappointed, because of my expectations. I didn't think Brandon would propose to me because I was so convinced in my head that we had been given these things that were revealed to us, but we didn't know what to do with them yet. We walked down toward the lake and stood in the grass thanking God for such an amazing weekend, we stood in awe of the view across the lake with the rolling fog along the water and the beautiful morning sky. I figured brandon and I were going to do a bible study by the lake until he started to talk. He said:

This has been one of the best weekends of my life. God has revealed things to us that I never expected and wasn't prepared for. I have no plans. I have no ring and I don't know what I'm doing but I know that I'm not going to let the enemy steal another day from us. And although I don't know where this will lead, I'm walking by faith and I'll at least do this part the traditional way.

He got down on one knee in the middle of the grassy field and asked me: “Ariana, will you marry me?”

And of course I said: “YES!” I could hardly remember what had been said or where we were. I had tears in my eyes and was so happy to know that we were finally following God's plan without following the attitude of the world.

After the walk, we went to breakfast and met back up with our friends. I was still in shock and beyond happy but I didn't say anything to anyone. I went to the cabin and Sabrina and Sarah were there. I couldn't help but scream at the top of my lungs that we were engaged! Sabrina offered to pray with me to rebuke the devil of any discouragement and to praise God for our engagement. I felt that because of where we were, the camp and the fellowship we had reinforced what God was doing in our lives. His presence, His power and His love was so apparent in the friends I was with that even the girls at another cabin that I didn't even know were rejoicing. God was being glorified through our engagement and we had the opportunity to go to Chapel and worship to sing more amazing songs that declared how wonderful God is.

The Message Chuck gave was about our arrogance as followers of Christ or humans in general. 1 Peter 5:8 talks about the enemy that prowls like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. A lion doesn't devour it's prey in one bite but devours it bite by bite, one step at a time. Just like the enemy works to try and make us follow ourselves, in our own earthly desires and lust, or need/want for money or to have control, it all consumes us one step at a time but in reality, we have no control and to think we do is arrogance. That is all the devil needs in order to take over our lives; he wants us to concentrate on ourselves. We tried to control the timing of our engagement and relationship and God had other plans.

We realized the safest place is right where God wants us to be, not where we want to be. We are to take a step of faith through His plan, before the right circumstances are in our favor.